As I took a shower this morning ( I know, I know, lucky me), I cursed my kids. I was so freaking tired that I squirted a huge handful of shampoo into my hand, and proceeded to wash my face. Yup, that happened! I am sleep deprived, I am over worked, I am fucking tired.
I’m always trying to get everything done, keep it all together, and not FAIL. Failing is scary. Failing is failure.
Sometimes while I’m changing my little ones diaper (poop diaper) and she
wiggles and cries and sticks her hand in it, I repeat to myself – this will pass, she’s not going to be little forever…ENJOY this moment.
But It’s hard.
It’s hard to remove yourself from the very shitty moment you are in.
When I do have a day “off”, I usually spend it vacuuming, wiping down the counters, cleaning up the endless amount of crappy toys that basically get moved from room to room… I pretty much try to make it look like human beings live here. And then. And then they come home from school. It begins the second they walk through the door…spilling drinks, dumping food on the floor, and they play with markers on the couch. And I have to remember, one day, in the years to come, I’ll come home from work and they won’t be there. I will have very expensive, very CLEAN furniture. I will have a neat and tidy house. I will have peace and quiet.
I will have nothing.
I’m often too uptight with my girls, and I expect way too much from them. So – I’m making a conscious effort to let things roll off my back. I need to let my kids BE KIDS. To let them make a mess, and to make one with them. I want to play and color with them, and we will color outside the lines together.
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